What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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