i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
