He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
