Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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