Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
