i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
