He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize