OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boobs speak an international language.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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