mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
