Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
