..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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