After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
