I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
