I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
then he tried to convert me to islam
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
