Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
