I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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