THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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