This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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