I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
