We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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