OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
