She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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