my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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