I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
