i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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