So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont even know how to be here
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
