We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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