oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
