its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
