1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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