end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
