Screwed.edu
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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