so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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