well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
