We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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