ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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