We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
