I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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