And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
