just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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