There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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