i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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