dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
