He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
