I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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