I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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