My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
