cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
