You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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