found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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