btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
