I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
