So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
