I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
