you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
4 words: hood of his car
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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