My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
