And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize