well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
