I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize