I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
