I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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