Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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