The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize