dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
