I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize