She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
