turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
