New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
