There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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