Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
