so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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