You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
