The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
