Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
