all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize