I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
