I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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