Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
