He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
