I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
