Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
