It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
