Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
