TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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