I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize