I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
