Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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