Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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