Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
