Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
