I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize